Anger management

Let me relate a short story I found online about anger management to you. It was about a father and his son who has a very bad temper. The son became worried about his anger since everyone was complaining about him. So he approached his dad to seek a way out of his constant anger.

The dad told him, “If you want to improve your temper, then every time you get angry, I want you to take a nail and hammer it in the big tree in our backyard.

Within a few days, the boy has hammered over fifty nails into the tree. Due to the pain of hammering, the boy decided to work harder on letting go of his bad temper. And he began to put fewer nails into the tree as the day goes by. He got so well at keeping his temper that he now had days without nailing the tree at all.

His dad then told him that for each day when he does not get angry, he should take out a nail from the tree. The son kept up the progress until he was finally able to remove all the nails. He was so happy and excited about his success. But the dad asked him to look at the tree that has borne the effect of his bad temper all along.

Losing your temper you should have known by now is dangerous for you and those around you. I once had a friend who said his rage does not affect anybody, that if he destroys anything, it is what he owns. But he does not know that he is just being stupidly selfish. Your anger does not only affect you but the people around you as well.

If you desire to have a fulfilling life, you need to be able to curtail your anger so that you won’t keep hurting yourself and the people around you. Like that boy, you hurt yourself every time you force a nail into a tree and the tree is deformed in return.

To keep your anger under check, I am not asking you to go buy a bag of nails and hammer. I will advise you to do the following simple things.

  1. Mind before Mouth

An angry man is again angry with himself when he returns to reason. –Publilius Syrus

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The most popular prescription for anger management has been the breather dose. Taking time to use the mind ahead of the mouth in moments of anger goes a long way to break the rage cycle. Remember the words of Laurence Peter when he said that you will make your most regrettable speech when you speak in anger. Speech is one of the quickest indicators of an angry man’s folly.  

The goal is to hinder your mind from getting into the auto cruise gear, so you need to actively engage it. Tactics like counting to a hundred, taking deep breathe several times have proven to be effective. But there is more than just counting or breathing, you have to understand it is gradual. The more you think before speaking, the better you become at breaking the cycle. Channel the energy of your anger to think more than you talk or act.

  1. Calm down before expressing your mind

Anger is a killing thing: it kills the man who angers, for each rage leaves him less than he had been before – it takes something from him. Louis L’Amour

5 Tricks That Will Calm Your Mind And Quiet Mental Chatter - Mindvalley Blog

Making use of the mind ahead of the mouth does not mean you should sweep the reason for your anger under the carpet. Take time to ease off the surge of energy that would have made you overreact, then relate your discontent. Speaking about the cause of your anger is a way to let go of the feeling and teach your mind a new sequence of action. The event got you that pissed because it has negated your expectations, so saying how you feel is a way to finally calm your nerves.

  1. Proffer Solution to the Cause

Anger, if not restrained, is frequently more hurtful to us than the injury that provokes it. Lucius Annaeus Seneca

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A bucket of water in a dark hallway or aisle will surely cause a trip, most likely get someone mad. If the bucket remains there, it will potentially get more persons angry. It is important to redress the real issue igniting the anger. It will be very helpful to remind yourself that fixing the problem is the necessary thing to do and that is not achieved by just getting angry. Action is required to remove the anger trigger, but best performed when the heart rate and blood pressure are normal.

  1. Understand your anger sequence

How often it is that the angry man rages denial of what his inner self is telling him. –Frank Herbert

Behaviour Support - Emotion / Feelings / Anger Regulation Volcano Visual |  Social emotional learning, Therapeutic activities, Therapy activities

Volcanoes do not just erupt out of the blues, there has been melting at some high degrees of temperature before the hot magma comes out all splashing. Anger does not just erupt into a rage, there is a ticking off. You must understand the sequence of events that brings the mad you to the fore. Good knowledge of the external and internal triggers will help avoid repeating the feat. Physical signs like shaky hands or legs, increased breathing rate, and restlessness can also be indicators of an imminent outburst. Quickly catching these signs can help to break the cycle before the eruption begins.

  1. Learn to crush blame

When you are offended at any man’s fault, turn to yourself and study your failings. Then you will forget your anger. Epictetus

Blame Will Blow Up Your Relationship - Couples Institute Counseling Services

Most outbursts of anger have been targeted at someone or something, no one rants or yells at himself as he does to others. So, at the base of rage is blame. You believed that someone or something has wronged you, hence your anger.

The easier it is for you to see others as to blame, the more you are likely to get angry.

But you must remember just like the boy when he hammers a nail into the tree, it hurts you when you have your anger uncontrolled. Stop the blame culture, people will always err. You cannot control how everybody acts, but you can put a hold on yours. Self-development is constituted in self-discipline, you need to stop blaming others.

There is a way out of that usual outburst, you just need to be committed to a change like that boy. The process is surely going to hurt, but the end is more rewarding and peaceful. Life is in stages, so be proud of every step of the journey to become a better version of yourself. You can manage that anger, just begin from the simple step of making up your mind to be a better person. Trust this has given some light to your self-development path, do like, comment and share. Remember to follow for more exciting posts. Much love!!!

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